Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
