Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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