So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
