Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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