I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
