Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
