So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
