yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
