White coat. Heels.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
