You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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