I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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