I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
