What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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