I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
