thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
are you so shy because you have an std?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
