Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
