Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
