Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
