I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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