It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
