Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
