Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
