I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
