I don't usually arrange sex via text message
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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