I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
