just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
