Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
