Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
