We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
