she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
