She's JV to your varsity
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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