i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
