____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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