you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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