Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
