i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
