you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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