i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
