he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Randomize
