No awkward lesbian experiences without me
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize