You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
