well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
