dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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