i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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