Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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