He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize