I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
