god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Holy sore nipples Batman
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
