Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
