I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
