Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
we're so committed to being not committed
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize