Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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