She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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