You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
