chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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