she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
