Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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