What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
