what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
