she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
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