dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
