You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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