found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
