every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
