Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
