Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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