can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
