Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
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