she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
