I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
