Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
