Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
