I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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