Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
